As a kid, I rescued earthworms.
OK, full disclosure. This morning, before I pulled the garbage cans to the end of the driveway, I picked up earthworms and tossed them onto the lawn. Nope, even earthworm slime doesn’t deter me. I couldn’t bear killing them when I rolled over or stepped on them. So, onto the lawn they went.
Once Sunni (my beloved and faithful lab companion) and I headed out on our walk, well, I had to rein in my earthworm rescuing, or we would never have gotten to the end of the block, let alone the entire two-mile loop. I did stop for a few really big ones, though. Then, I assuaged my guilt by telling the robins “bon appetit” while testing my nimble-footedness.
As I was dodging and weaving, my thoughts turned. I wondered why it is I can unapologetically and unabashedly state I rescue earthworms, but I hesitate to voice my thoughts and opinions.
Thanks to therapy, working through my thoughts and emotions is easier now. Not quite as nimbly as my worm-dodging feet, but I am getting there. You see, I’m a recovering people pleaser. Nurturers, those who compassionately care for others, tend to be people pleasers. It’s in our wheelhouse. Defined, a people pleaser is typically someone who is viewed as a person who can be counted on to be helpful and kind.
What may happen, though, is as the nurturer accepts the responsibilities of caring for another, they frequently place themselves as a lesser priority. This can lead to thinking their worth, value, and identity are tied to what they do for others as opposed to simply being themselves.
Why do I say I’m a recovering people pleaser? Because, and I read this somewhere, and it resonated with me, people pleasing is like an addiction. My “fix” came each time I cared for and provided for the needs of others, particularly family.
I felt loved when I was caring for others. I felt worthy and valued as I was caring for others. And I felt panic and fear when I thought something I said or did would upset, displease, or offend. I slowly learned to silence the voice inside me, hoping to avoid panic and fear. Feeling as if I was loved, worthy, and valued was so much better, even if it was temporary.
Until it wasn’t.
I reached out for help. I’m not yet at a place where I will unabashedly and unapologetically speak up for myself, my wants, and my needs, but I’m getting there.
I do know that part of who I am is an unapologetic and unabashed earthworm rescuer. I bet the earthworms would agree that’s a good value for me to have 😉
You, my friend, are loved, valued, and worthy. If you have silenced your voice, take a few moments to acknowledge what you do unapologetically – then do more of that. And, then find more!
**Please note, from the second to last paragraph: feeling as if is not the same as being loved or having value and worth. A whole other blog is coming your way on this one.
