I Got a Tattoo

It was the end of December 2018. The devotion for the 26^th included a story of when the author was young, and he had gone with a school group to a botanical garden. He saw a brightly colored fish among many in a pond. He asks the guide, “aren’t goldfish small?” and the guide responds, “some goldfish will grow even larger than these. It depends on the size of their environment.” Later in the devotion, he writes that with his faith, he “could forget his perceived limitations and swim beyond the boundaries” he placed on himself. And with a broader perspective, he writes, he could see his own and “others’ potential to grow when moved from small bowls to an ocean of possibilities.”

This message struck me deeply. I tore out this devotion page (it is actually sitting beside me as I write this blog) and read and reread it. I began envisioning what possibilities could be waiting for me if I, like a goldfish, was taken out of the fish bowl of my and others’ making and released into a beautiful, healthy ocean.

Which made me think of how I could carry this message with me.

My son has striking and meaningful body art – a tat on his back and a half sleeve on his arm. I remember being with him when he got his first one, the tattoo on his back. And as I kept revisiting the goldfish devotion, I began thinking about getting a tattoo, something I had never thought I would do. Specifically, I was contemplating a goldfish with a cross within the design.

Then, the unexpected happened. My husband was diagnosed with Stage IV Renal Cell Carcinoma, and our lives irrevocably changed.

The idea of a goldfish tattoo took on an even deeper meaning. I would need to have both resilience and faith during this cancer battle and caregiving journey. As well as the reminder not to be limited by the environment I unexpectedly found myself.

Here is a little side story, but you’ll quickly pick up on the tie-in.

During one of the trips to San Francisco for oncology and specialist appointments, Peter had wanted steak for dinner. A steak dinner was not an easy find in and around the hotel where we were staying, but we finally succeeded. While talking and waiting for our meals, I looked around at the wall art. And a piece of art that looked like a large postcard caught and kept my eye. It was of a nude woman riding a goldfish with beautiful fins and expressive eyes.

I felt synchronicity, the personal message, at that moment.

When we returned to Reno, I contacted the tattoo artist my daughter-in-law recommended and set an appointment.

I had to reschedule a few times due to some unexpecteds within the cancer battle, but the tattoo artist and I finally met to discuss and begin the design. After a few edits and adjustments to the eye and smile, I fell in love with the artist’s rendition of what I envisioned. The final design was beautiful.

On March 14^th, 2019, I got my tattoo.

Since that day, my tattoo has been a steady reminder of resilience, beauty, and faith. The reminder to no longer be restricted within the confines of my own or others’ expectations, but instead create an environment where I live, grow, and thrive in limitless possibilities.

I frequently get compliments on my tattoo and asked if there is a meaning behind her. I smile, agreeing she is beautiful, and share her symbolism.

My hope, my friend, is that you, too, have a symbol on or with you as a reminder of your resilience, beauty, and belief in who you are. That you swim in an ocean of not only limitless possibilities but do so with joy and excitement 💙

And, just out of curiosity, I would enjoy hearing what tattoo you would design for yourself and why 😊