How are you?
How often have you greeted someone, or they you, in passing with these words? It happens almost every day when I encounter someone while running errands or walking with Sunni.
Over time, this question has culturally evolved into a way to say “hello” or as a polite in-passing greeting.
My problem with this is that it is a question. I have found that some quirks in my personality seem to require me to answer. I will look at the person asking and answer. I also take it one step further and ask how they are doing. I ask the question sincerely and wait for a reply. At times, I have actually found it entertaining to watch a person regroup when I do this.
I admit I do not do this every time, but I try to read body language and the situation and then adjust accordingly, leaving their “How are you” with a simple, friendly “hello.”
Many times, however, the exchange resulted in a short, friendly conversation with each of us smiling before saying “goodbye” and returning to wherever we were headed or what we were doing.
Compassionate connection.
Why do I find this topic important enough to write a blog about? What within me has me reaching out to others with more than a polite acknowledgment?
Some of this has to do with my caregiving experience during my husband’s cancer battle and afterward. The impact of someone asking me, out of genuine concern, how I was doing and listening to my reply could make a difference in a horrible day. The numerous times a smile from a stranger, a kind conversation with medical staff or colleagues, or a call from a friend helped me feel seen and heard.
And there were the few times when I was with someone who, despite knowing my pain and loss, never asked me how I was or if I needed to talk.
Each of these situations is indelibly imprinted within my heart and soul.
Not everyone, including at times you and me, wants to talk or interact with others. That’s ok. Sometimes, putting your head down and leaving it at a polite “hello” is all that is manageable.
But there are the other times. What if a smile would lift the other person and you up? What if a short conversation exchange left each of you knowing you made a difference that day? What if…
I think social demands, the “convenience” of technology, the disconnect of ill-used social media, and others have created an environment where expediency has taken priority over personal interaction.
And one layer more: I think this is one of the reasons we feel isolated and alone, disconnected.
I have felt isolated, and I have felt alone. If I can do something as simple as smiling when I say “hello” or having a short, friendly “How are you?” exchange, then when I can, I will pause my day to do so.
What if each of us did this? What better way to let another person – stranger, family, or friend – know they are seen and that they matter?
Life is a gift, and it is a gift meant to be shared.
My friend, how are you? I want you to know I see you, you matter, and you are loved. 💙
