I couldn’t initially put my finger on why what I was experiencing was so confusing and painful. I could not understand how the situation had gotten so out of hand.
Then I heard a message from someone I respected that included the statement and explanation of the benefit of the doubt.
It was as if a lock had been released, and I was freed.
Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is deciding to believe what they have told you, even if you are unsure if it is true. This creates an opportunity to open a dialogue and seek understanding. It is the choice to believe something good about a person instead of something bad. It is a gesture of compassion.
What would stop someone from extending the benefit of the doubt to another?
There can be many answers to this question. My thoughts, however, are not running along the lines of attempting to explain the choices and behaviors of others; instead, I am witnessing your pain and confusion if you have experienced what I have.
Below is an anonymously written quote I try to return to when my feelings overwhelm me, and I mentally rehash events over and over again, amplifying my emotions.
“You cannot control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens. In your response is your power.”
One way this quote helps me is by refocusing my attention on the fact that my response is the key.
You and I cannot control the choices, responses, or behavior of others. We will not always be given the benefit of the doubt.
But, we can control how, when, or if we respond to those who have not given us the benefit of the doubt. We can control how we witness to ourselves and others by being present to what is happening and holding space with compassion for the flood of emotions. We can prioritize ourselves and set boundaries.
And, we can remember to give others the benefit of the doubt because by doing so, we create an opportunity to open a dialogue and seek understanding. This conscious choice is a compassionate gesture that nurtures relationships.
My friend, may you and I embrace the good in others and ourselves today.
Xoxo,
Judy
