The day in the life of a nurturer or caregiver, your life and mine, is filled with the beautiful, the ugly, the good, the hard. Often, there is no clear path within each day; it is simply your ability to prepare for the expected and roll with the unexpected.
And there are plenty of unexpecteds.
The expected is simple – easy to understand and less complicated. These are the things you count, hope, on happening. The alarm goes off on time, and you have set it early enough to get both yourself and those you are caring for ready for what is scheduled for the day. All time engagements, obligations, and appointments are met, and each designated activity or task (home, work, etc.) flows smoothly from one to another. You have the necessary resources (car, food, phone, money, etc.), so the day runs fluidly from waking to bedtime.
I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty great to me.
And I cannot recall a single day this happened. Can you?
Realistically speaking, since you and I know how unrealistic what I described above is, how do you prepare for the unexpected? What do you do when the unexpected, unwelcome, unforeseen happens? What are your methods and strategies for dealing with the unexpected? How do you cope?
As much as you may want to, you can’t just tuck yourself back in bed, pull the pillow over your head, and wish it away.
I’ll repeat my disclaimer: I am not a therapist, psychologist, or trained counselor. I write from my heart and my experiences in my hope of giving a nudge and hug as you, we, make our way in unearthing who we are.
Each of us has coping mechanisms. These are the conscious and subconscious behaviors we use to avoid or reduce stressful situations or difficult emotions. And, as with most things, there can be positive and negative strategies.
We can call on coping mechanism strategies, when it’s been a hard day, and your patience is spread thin, and emotions can take over your behaviors and override best intentions. You use them when in a stressful situation and/or when an emotional tsunami is building.
Unless you’ve developed a way to help identify and manage – I’d even say corral – your thoughts, spoken words, and behavior responses.
Think back on the last time you felt irritation and possibly anger arise from an unexpected issue. Or when you knew you had to deal with a situation you would rather stay away from.
How did you handle it – both the emotions and in the confronting of what you would rather not?
I’m going to send a nonjudgmental shot across your bow: if you cannot immediately identify the positive coping mechanisms you use, then you may be letting your emotions and avoidance tendencies run amok. I sincerely hope this is not you, my friend, but if it is (as it has been me at one time or another), give yourself grace and aim to do better now that you know better.
Additionally, exhaustion and other factors play a critical role here, too, which is why self-nurturing is essential for your well-being. Think of it this way: self-nurturing is a proactive approach that prepares you to handle the unexpected in the manner you hope and strive to.
Again, I ask, how did you handle recent unexpecteds – both the emotions and the confronting of what you would rather not?
Set aside and take the time to seriously think about healthy strategies that help and support you. Make the time to practice them so you are prepared and proactive in your responses when confronted with the unexpected. Not reactive.
Personally, I try to pause and breathe when in the immediacy of an unexpected. I practice meditation and do a lot of walking. I connect with family and friends. I get out in nature and take photos of the beauty I see. (Case in point: this blog photo was taken during a walk when I found a botanical garden while my husband was undergoing cancer treatment, and I needed to step away for a while.) And I play and cuddle with my Sunni. And I write.
My friend, what are your coping mechanisms? Build on what works, explore and learn more strategies, and let yourself gracefully roll when the unexpected happens 💙
