With love, there is little doubt.
This thought popped into my mind while I was doing my workout today. Sunni, as always, was “helping” me with my workout. There was little doubt in her mind that I would toss or roll the ball for her. And, to be honest, I didn’t doubt it either. Not because of her persistence, which she definitely is. Or her adorable smiling face, which is also something she has. But because of love.
She was asking me politely and kindly for what she wanted. She wanted to play ball with her human, her mom. To be with me. If I didn’t roll or toss the ball, she’d give me a vocalization of some sort, a paw pat, or even snuggle into my neck and give me a lick. These are all her expressions of love and connection. OK, yes, and a way to ensure I didn’t ignore her.
I could put her on a down stay. She would have grudgingly settled down with a pitiful expression on her face. I could then have finished my workout in peace and in less time. Alone, without smiles and laughter.
Reflectively, I asked myself who, if I asked politely and kindly, would give me what I asked for. Who I had little doubt would respond with love and support.
I actually shied away from answering.
Then, I reminded myself to look deeper. I needed to look at myself, at my part, my responsibility.
In one of my grief group sessions, a topic that repeats itself regularly is how to ask for and accept help. One exercise is to write a grief letter. The point of the letter is to provide information on your experience, feelings, and what the addressee can expect from you. It’s recommended you include a list of specific, practical needs they can help you with. The letter provides the reader guidance on what you find comforting and what you do not. To give them a user manual of sorts.
Many in the group wondered why it should be necessary to write a letter. Shouldn’t those who love you innately know what you need and how to help you?
No, my friend, they don’t. Huh. I think I’ve said something similar to this to you before. Bears repeating.
How can they know what you need and how to help you unless you open up and tell them? It’s like putting them on a down stay. They can observe and want to be involved, but you didn’t give them permission to express their love and connection in a way you need or want.
I need to take a lesson from Sunni. Dogs are wonderful teachers 😊
If I need or want something from another person, especially someone I am connected with and love, it’s on me to ask. Politely, kindly, and with honesty. The last – honesty – is essential.
What do you need or want? Ask without it being superficial, beating around the bush, or innuendo. Voice an authentic expression or request.
With honest expressions of love and connection, there will be little doubt. Why? Because love does 💙
