Why Times 5

Is there something you want to do that either can’t get traction or a direction or are you stuck completing it?

This was most definitely me. For years.

I can and will give myself the grace in knowing that much of the delay was because I needed time – time to adjust to becoming a widow, time to grieve, time to heal, time to unearth and find my footing.

There were, is, more than one thing I’ve wanted to do, but specifically for this blog, it is the writing and publishing of my book for caregivers, You’re Not Alone: A Caregiver’s Story and Guide Through the Loneliness, Overwhelm, and Practicalities.

Bear with me here as I give a little background, which will lengthen the blog, but I hope worth it.

I enjoy listening to Mel Robbins podcasts. Honestly, sometimes it’s more uncomfortable than enjoyable, but I believe that is her aim. Change happens outside of your comfort zone, and Mel does have a way of making you look, think, and feel deep within yourself.

In the middle of August 2024, I was listening to Mel’s podcast How to Figure Out What You Really Want & Get It. At the time, I was grappling not only with completing the last steps necessary for me to self-publish my caregiver book You’re Not Alone: A Caregiver’s Story and Guide Through the Loneliness, Overwhelm, and Practicalities but also with fear.

The result of listening to the podcast was a huge Ah-Ha moment for me. I wish I had recorded my responses as they bubbled up and out, but I was driving. And, ultimately, crying because of what this process released from me.

Mel explained the 5 Why Method, also known as root cause analysis, as a powerful way to uncover the core reason behind the things you want. After listening to her work through the process with two people close to her, I also recognized how important this could be for me.

Full disclosure: I am inviting you into the raw and real of something I didn’t fully understand until I listened to and worked through the 5 Why Method, even though I had written my book but had not put it out into the world.

My 5 Why Method process (the prompts are from Mel’s 5 Why Method Worksheet):

What is something you want to do or achieve?

I want to write and publish a book for caregivers – to make a difference in another caregiver’s life.

Why do you want to do that?

Because during my husband’s cancer battle, I wrote updates to our community and was often told my writing touched others. I was encouraged to write a book, which later called and pulled me to actually write a book for caregivers.

Why?

Because I hope, want, my vulnerably written words, shared emotions, thoughts, experiences, and ideas to make a difference in another caregiver’s life and to ease some of their emotional and physical burdens. And to help me as I grieve and heal.

Why?

Because the exhaustion and overwhelm overshadow all but getting through what needs doing when someone is a caregiver. There is a loneliness, even in the presence of family and close friends, and a deep need to be seen and heard and loved.

Why?

Because what happens in the reality of caregiving mostly happens behind closed doors and is rarely spoken about.

Why? (Root Cause)

No longer silent. Because I am finding my voice and want to use it to compassionately and vulnerably speak my truth and share my wisdom, to speak about what is often not spoken of or understood in the life of caregivers and nurturers. I want to let other caregivers and nurturers know they do not need to be silent. But, if they cannot yet find their voice, hopefully, my writing will let them know they are seen, heard, loved, and above all, not alone.

Why am I sharing this with you? Yes, my friend, another why 💙

My answer is twofold. First, I am taking action to make my dream of writing a book to support caregivers a reality, and that requires me to let people know there is a book available to them. If you, someone you know, or you foresee yourself as a caregiver, I invite you to purchase, read, and make notes in You’re Not Alone: A Caregiver’s Story and Guide Through the Loneliness, Overwhelm, and Practicalities. You can purchase You’re Not Alone here.

Second, because reaching for the things you want goes below surface level, and it is not comfortable. I know I am not the only caregiver or nurturer who is a recovering people pleaser-approval seeker. It took me working with my therapists and Mel’s 5 Why Method to uncover what has, in large part, held me back and allowed fear to have the upper hand.

And that, my friend, was my silence. The silencing of my inner voice and the reluctance to speak my needs and wants. I needed to unearth the voice I had silenced and not fear using it with compassion, kindness, and love.

So, I will re-ask my original question: Is there something you want to do and either can’t get traction or a direction for it or are stuck completing it?

My friend, may you find the courage to dive below the surface to discover what is holding you back.

I have no doubt you have it within yourself to reach for and accomplish what you want in and for your life.